


Accidentally Abducted

by sassyandsodone



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, Fully consensual just weird, Hostage Situations, Humor, Kidnapping, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Injuries, Sexual Content, Threats of Violence, Wash is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:51:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5275454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassyandsodone/pseuds/sassyandsodone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Wash was perfectly aware he’d fucked up. This was his worst mistake ever. Of all time. He’d gotten himself kidnapped."</p><p> </p><p>Original prompt found <a href="http://a-writing-trickster-angel.tumblr.com/post/129666523456/troublemakerscriminal-aus">here</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Accidentally Abducted

A piece of Wash's soul died when his phone did as he walked alone through a city he'd never been to.

"No, no, no," he begged the inanimate object. "Please, no, damn it."

He sighed as the screen went completely black. "Great, I have no clue where I am," he muttered. Wash tried to assess his surroundings. He knew the other Freelancers were waiting for him at 461 Valhalla, but he wasn't even sure if he was close and, without his GPS, he had no way of knowing. He turned to face the corner of the street to at least figure out where he was. The street he was on was called Chorus; there were a few businesses, a bank, and some people walking about. The area was fairly empty with the sun going down.

Wash approached someone as they walked but before he could ask for directions they hurried along, not even stopping for him. He sighed knowing that his poor social skills and general awkwardness were not going to help him in his situation.

Silently wishing he'd carpooled with someone, Wash approached another stranger. "Excuse me, do you know where-"

"Sorry, not from around here," the man replied.

"Oh," Wash said, "it's okay. Thanks anyway."

"Yeah, good luck," the stranger said as he walked away.

"You too," Wash said feebly. "Crap."

He decided not to ask anyone else and thought instead that the best course of action would be to just get a taxi. Sure, it would end up costing him but at least he'd still have a chance of getting there on time. Wash saw a taxi that was stopped in front of the bank on the other side of the street. Seeing as how the traffic light was red, he ran across and, while moving, caught a glimpse of the driver's face. He was horrifically scarred and kind of terrifying. Still, any port in a storm; Wash needed a ride.

He opened the driver's side door and slid in, but at that moment someone came up behind him and pushed him into the center seat. On the other side, someone else got in as well. Wash felt like the middle of a sandwich.

After an awkward moment of shoving, Wash realized the men sitting on either side of him were wearing ski masks and had bags in their hands. The man on his right looked briefly out the window and was breathing heavy like he'd been running. He pulled off his mask and black and orange hair emerged. He turned with a smile, only for that smile to disappear the moment he saw Wash.

"Who the fuck are you?!" he demanded.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Wash replied with equal confusion.

"What?" the driver said and turned to look.

"Just drive," the man on Wash's left said as he, too, removed his mask.

The driver hit the gas hard and Wash felt his stomach drop. "This isn't a taxi," he murmured.

The man on his right took a good look at Wash, who felt redder than he ever had before. "What the absolute fuck are you doing here?"

"Felix," the man on his left spoke as a faint sound of sirens grew louder, "the police are coming."

"You deal with them," the man on his right, likely Felix, said. "We apparently have more problems."

“God,” Wash muttered, sinking in his seat. He straightened up immediately as the man on his left started shooting out the window. “This is a getaway car.”

The man shooting spoke over the gunshot noise and police sirens. “We’d been planning this for weeks. It can’t fall apart like this.”

“I’m not responsible for someone getting into the car!” Felix retorted.

“Just shoot him!” the driver called and Wash’s heart stopped.

“No,” Felix said, “it takes forever to get rid of all that evidence!”

“Then, we’ll pull over and throw him out,” the driver said.

“Either Locus or I would have to get out to do that! This asshole’s in the middle!”

“We can discuss this later,” the other man, presumably Locus, said.

“Yeah,” Felix said, “you’re right. Listen, dude, don’t know who you are and, right now, I don’t care. Just keep your head low and try not to bleed anywhere.”

Those were directions Wash was ready to follow. He ducked as Felix began to shoot as well. Wash was perfectly aware he’d fucked up. This was his worst mistake ever. Of all time. He’d gotten himself kidnapped. Literally, he’d done it to himself. He had walked into a getaway car and was heading to God knows where with three strange men, two of whom had just held up a bank. If he lived to tell the tale, York would laugh his ass off at this one.

Thinking of York, Wash tried to discreetly reach into his pocket. His hand gripped his phone and he slid it out. His glimmer of hope was smashed to a thousand pieces with realizations and disappointment. His phone was dead, that was how he got into this situation.

“So, who are you?” Felix yelled over the gunshots.

It took Wash a moment to realize that he was talking to him. “I’m Wash.”

“Great," he sassed, "and I'm Felix, now, why the fuck are you here, Wash?!"

“Felix, on your left," Locus called.

“I see it." He fired. "Got 'em."

Wash peeked up slightly only to see the driver looking at him in the rear view mirror.

“What are we gonna do about him?" he inquired.

“We?” Felix said. “No, Locus and I are gonna deal with this. You’re just driving, Fish-stick.”

The driver took a sharp right turn and nearly threw Felix out the window, threw Wash into Felix, and Locus into Wash.

“Fuck!” Felix yelled, getting re-situated. “Hey, little warning next time.”

Locus groaned and went back to stopping the police. The driver ignored them and continued doing his job. Felix flipped him off and turned to Wash. “So, what are we gonna do about you?"

“Nothing, hopefully."

“You might as well explain why you're here."

“Really?” Wash said as he heard bullets fly on either side of them. "Now?"

“Yeah, I think we all need a laugh," Felix said.

Wash didn't exactly want them to know how incompetent he'd been. Still, he had no desire to be difficult with men carrying guns. "...I thought it was taxi."

Felix stared at him for a moment, unsure if he was joking. Locus turned to look as well. Wash felt their eyes burning into his soul. Felix burst out laughing.

"You have got to be fucking kidding!" he managed to speak through the laughter. "What cab driver looks like Sharkface?!"

"I don't know; I needed a cab."

"You were perfectly willing to step into a car with a man as horribly scarred as him?" Locus inquired. He'd stopping shooting to marvel at Wash's stupidity.

"I really needed a cab. I'm meeting some friends across town."

"Not anymore," Locus said.

"What are you going to do?" Wash asked quietly.

Felix and Locus exchanged glances. "We could keep him as a hostage," Felix suggested.

Locus nodded. "If we think of nothing else."

"Just kill him!" Sharkface yelled.

"Nobody asked you, Fish-stick," Felix said and immediately the car took a sharp right, slamming Felix into the window again. "Fuck, I swear, your cut just got smaller!"

"You want me to lose the cops or not?!"

"I want you to lose them on THAT side!"

"How much did you get?" Sharkface changed the subject.

"Everything we wanted," Felix said.

"Plus one," Locus groaned looking directly at Wash.

"Well, now we have an accomplice," Felix said.

"I thought I was a hostage."

"You're an accomplice if you're just sitting there; you're a hostage if I have to keep a gun to your head. Or worse, I'll make Locus do it. Your choice."

Wash sunk in his seat.

"Thought so, accomplice," Felix said as he and Locus went back to shooting the police.

There was no way Wash was going to meet up with the others on time, but hopefully they'd notice that he'd been kidnapped and either stage a rescue mission themselves or call the police. They'd save him, provided they could figure out where he was. Hell, he didn't even know where he was. Wash looked to his right to see if he could see the street sign. Fortunately, he could and learned they were on Valhalla.

"This is where I was going."

"This still isn’t a cab!" Sharkface yelled.

"Can you go any faster?" Locus asked in the most tired, done voice Wash had ever heard.

"Alright but hold on."

Felix grabbed the door handle, Locus grabbed the door handle, Wash couldn't find anything to grab and suffered the consequences as he bounced around in the middle.

"Okay," Felix said, "so, we drive until the cops are far behind us, then, wherever that happens, we get Control to pick us up. I guess we'll decide what to do with our tag along then."

Wash briefly glanced out the window and for a moment and he caught sight of the Freelancers standing outside a building. "Oh...damn it..." he whined. He guessed that his captors wouldn't just let him go with his friends. He was in way too deep.

"We just have to escape," Locus said. Felix took a deep breath.

"Well, since I don’t hear sirens anymore, I’d say this part of the ride is probably gonna get boring. I'll count our takings." He tapped Wash on the head, "One."

Locus glared at Felix, but he just smiled. "Alright, I'll count the money, too."

Locus rolled his eyes “Why do I work with you?”

“Because you loooooooooove me,” Felix said with a smile.

"If the tag along's an accomplice, does he get a cut?" Sharkface asked.

"Like hell. What, we're gonna pay him for kidnapping himself?" Felix turned to Wash. "You have any money on you?"

"A little."

Felix stared at him and Wash, awkwardly stared back.

"Well?" Felix asked.

Wash tilted his head in confusion.

"I'm mugging you, hand it over!"

"Oh," Wash said. He felt like an idiot but it was an off day. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He was in no position to argue.

"Thank you," Felix said and opened it up. "Let's see, a fifty, two twenties, a five, standard stuff. A library card with an embarrassing photo, though it's still not the most embarrassing thing I've seen from you today. Hey, who are the people in this picture?"

Wash peeked over. Felix was examining a group photo of the Freelancers. Wash remembered when the photo was taken. They were all just starting out back then. Since then, Wash had found his two best friends whose company he desired more than anything at the current moment. "They're the people I was supposed to meet. They’re probably looking for me."

"Any of them have any money?”

Locus inhaled loudly; he glared at his fellow criminal. Felix rushed to his own defense. “What? We might as well ransom him to somebody. And we didn’t even have to go through the hassle of kidnapping. This is easy money.” He began to pet Wash’s hair. “If only there were more people in the world like you. We’d be millionaires by now.”

Wash noticed something in that moment and it was the worst possible moment to notice. With Felix petting his hair, Wash noticed just how damn attractive both of this captors were. It was a realization he wished he never had but as he looked at them, he couldn't help but see how sexy they were. Wash pondered for a moment if it was Stockholm Syndrome but he highly doubted it after only ten minutes. He had no desire to act upon this discovery but he was definitely aware of it.

"Weren't you going to count the money?" Locus reminded his partner.

"Yeah..." Felix groaned. He picked up one of the bags. "But this'll take forever. One, two, three, four, five, six-"

"For the love of God, can you count in your head?" Locus said through clenched teeth.

Felix stuck out his tongue but kept quiet for the first time since they got into the car.

"Give me your phone," Locus said. Wash turned to him. He had spoken little and Wash wanted to confirm who he was talking to.

"Me?"

Locus glared and that was enough for Wash. He reached into his pocket figuring it was better to just hand over a dead phone than try to argue with the guy who'd done most of the shooting. "Here ," he said, "but it's dead."

Locus sighed and rolled his eyes. They must've thought Wash was a failure on every level by now; Wash would have to agree, though. It was a failure of a day.

"Do we have a phone charger?" Locus asked Sharkface.

"You think I know?!"

"I was charging my iPhone earlier, I think the charger's still there," Felix interjected then went back to counting.

Locus passed Wash's phone to front seat. "Plug this in."

"We have to charge our captive's phone, now," Felix added. "You know, despite the fact that we didn't have to kidnap him, this might be the most trouble we've ever done through for someone."

"Would you prefer I use your phone to call for ransom?"

"No, go charge his."

Wash was actually grateful they came to that conclusion as he had memorized none of the Freelancer's numbers. It felt like all his failures in life were showing themselves all at once. He didn't know how this could get worse.

“We should probably call Control and tell them we’re coming,” Felix added, looking up from the money. “You call for the ransom, and I’ll call Control.”

“Care to set a wager?” Locus asked.

Felix seemed intrigued. “You? Gambling? Color me impressed. What kind of wager?”

“Ten percent of the takings.”

“High stakes, but what’s the bet?”

“I am detailing that we have a captive, how much we’re asking, where to deliver the money, and will likely speaking to someone who is angry and distraught. You are simply alerting Control to our current location. I bet ten percent of the takings, your call will last longer.”

“Done,” Felix deadpanned. “You are so fucked.”

Wash couldn’t help but wonder if this was what all criminals did during an escape or if it was just these two.

“As an added favor to you, I’ll make the first call, so you know what you have to beat.”

“Thanks, though I could win this in my sleep.”

“You’d have to be asleep to win this; it’s when you talk the least.”

“I can stop if I want to - wait, the least? Do I talking in my sleep?”

“Far too much,” Locus groaned.

Wash had an odd feeling that they’d forgotten he was there. Despite the fact that he’d been abducted and they were on the run from the law, the atmosphere was very relaxed in that backseat.

“What do I say?”

“Anything, does it matter?” Locus said, regretting he’d mentioned it.

“Yes,” Felix continued. He turned to face Locus and Wash leaned back in the seat, so not to obstruct their line of sight. “Do I say, like, personal things or is it all, like, nonsense?”

“It’s nonsense when you’re awake what makes you think it’s any better when you’re asleep?”

“I wanna know! Record me next time I’m doing it!”

“Is it any wonder I’m the only driver who’ll work with these two?” Sharkface called from the front seat.

“Oh my god…” Locus gripped his forehead. Wash had to guess that if there was one person who wanted less to be there than him it was Locus. "Where do we want to make the drop off point for the ransom?"

"I don't know..." he contemplated. "The usual?"

"Corner of Bravo and Alpha? Send Miller to pick it up?" Locus confirmed.

"I guess, it just seems wrong to use our normal site for such an abnormal case."

"If past experience is any indicator, this will not be normal no matter how hard we try."

"Right, well how much do we wanna ask for?" Felix inquired. They were going to size up Wash's worth and he had the strongest feeling he was going to be insulted. "I'm thinking...five thousand bucks."

Locus looked at Wash and raised an eyebrow. Wash didn't really know where to look. He felt naked with Locus staring into his soul. Without turned away from Wash, Locus said, "Lower."

"Four thousand?"

"Lower."

"Three thousand?"

"Lower."

"Two thousand five hundred, any lower and it won't be worth paying Miller to collect it."

"Fine," Locus agreed. Wash had guessed correctly; he'd been insulted. He'd been marked down by fifty percent. Not that he was gonna complain though. He wasn't even sure the Freelancers could afford the two thousand five hundred they were asking, let alone five thousand.

"Is that phone charged enough, yet?" Felix asked. "I wanna win this bet already."

Sharkface reached behind him and handed Wash his phone. Immediately, Locus snatched it from him; Wash didn't have time to be hopeful.

"Which person should I call?" he asked Wash.

Wash looked to Locus and the man's eyes burned deep into his soul. It was clear that Locus wanted him gone yesterday. "Um..." Wash said as he contemplated. Which Freelancer was most likely to answer their phone? "Try York, he always has his phone on him."

"York?" Felix asked. He grabbed Wash's shoulder and turned him around. "York? Seriously?"

Wash simply shrugged.

"Quiet," Locus said and put Wash's phone to his ear. "I'm calling."

Felix took out his own phone and opened the stopwatch function. "Just tell me when to go."

Wash, fortunately, being squished so close to Locus, was able to hear the phone. There was a moment of pure silence.

"Hey, you've reached York. I can't come to the phone right now but leave a message and I'll give you a ring. Later!"

Locus pressed hard on the End Call button.

"Well?" Felix asked.

"A friend doesn't show up to whatever event they were headed to. Suddenly, said friend calls and you don't PICK UP!?" Locus seemed like he was about to scream. Felix doubled over laughing.

"Seriously?" he choked out. "Are we just gonna have to keep him?" He put an arm around Wash. "Because it seriously looks like he's staying."

"Who else can I call?" Locus demanded.

"Uh..." Wash wasn't great under pressure. "Carolina?"

"Another fucking state name..." Felix muttered and looked out the window. He reset the stopwatch.

Locus raised the phone to his ear. "I swear if this person doesn't pick up..."

"Hello? Wash? Where the hell have you been?!" Wash heard Carolina's voice say. Locus didn't answer.

"Wash? Wash, where are you?"

"He won't be coming," Locus said. For the first since they'd started driving, Wash really felt like he'd been abducted. Carolina was about to hear he'd been kidnapped. Wash had a feeling the story would be swayed in his captors' favor, not that he minded. Honestly, it would look better for both of them if the record said he hadn't kidnapped himself.

"Who is this?" Carolina asked. "Where's Wash?"

She seemed concerned, and perhaps a bit frightened. Wash wasn't surprised; Locus had a very nice serial killer voice.

"We have your friend. He is safe but if you want him to stay that way, you will do exactly what I say."

"How do I know you're not lying to me?"

Locus took the phone away from his ear and put it on speaker.

"Hello?" Carolina asked.

"Carolina?" Wash said.

"Wash! Oh my god-"

Locus took it off speaker and raised the phone back to his ear. "Now, listen to what I have to say. You are to deliver two thousand five hundred dollars in cash to the corner of Bravo and Alpha at midnight, tomorrow, alone. Our go-between will take the money and within an hour of that exchange you will receive your friend. Do I make myself clear?"

"What-"

"Do I make myself clear?!"

"...yes."

"This conversation is over."

Locus put the phone down and Felix stopped the stopwatch.

"One minute and six seconds."

"It's done."

"In record timing," Felix added.

"Do you think you can beat that?"

"Piece of cake."

"What happens if she can't get the money?" Wash asked. He was clearly the only one concerned by the actual kidnapping and not the bet.

Locus and Felix exchanged glances. “If that happens, then, I guess, we’re keeping him.”

“What could we possibly gain from that?”

Felix shrugged. “Light-hearted entertainment?”

Locus sighed.

"So, it's my turn to call," Felix said. "Get the stopwatch ready."

Locus reached into his pocket and took out a cell phone. He opened the stopwatch function.

"Ready."

"Right, I'm calling," Felix said, raising his own phone to his ear. "...Hey, Locus and Felix checking in, we're headed south on Valhalla."

Wash looked to Locus. He seemed confident but he was definitely waiting for something. Wash wasn't sure if Locus would win; Felix didn't really have anything left to say and he was only ten seconds in.

"...yeah, it was a success," Felix continued. "We got everything, well, everything plus one, but I'll explain that to someone more important, it's a long story...Excuse me, who the fuck do you think you are?!"

Locus smiled. Felix was getting worked up.

"No, you know what, I'm not sorry. You are nothing, no one. What the hell are you gonna do? You're just gonna tell someone more important anyways so why shouldn't I just cut out the middle man, namely: you...Who is this anyway, give me your name so I know who to kill when I get there?!"

He passed the thirty second mark.

"NOBODY! FUCKING NOBODY!! Listen here you little shit, I will kill you. I've decided that I will kill you. Enjoy what little time you have left, asshole...That's where you're wrong. I will find you. I will ask every-fucking-body there if I have to. I will find out who you are and I will kill you, slowly and painfully."

Felix was really worked up and Locus just seemed to be enjoying it.

"I swear to God, you talk back to me once more and-...Fuck you. You're a dead man walking so fuck you. I hope you realize what you've done. When I get there, I swear to fucking God, I will decapitate you with a butter knife...Just try me, asshole...You're dead. Just relay the fucking message and start praying to whatever God you want...Oh my god, the message about where we are, you stupid fucking asshole! It's like talking to a brick wall with an attitude!"

Locus nearly cracked a smile at that one.

"Again?! We are headed south on fucking Valhalla so tell someone more important to get ready to pick us up, while you get ready for the cold embrace of death!!!"

"One more word from you and...Oh, no, I can do far worse than just killing you. Butter knifes are not really all that sharp, asshole, so it would take hours upon hours of agonizing torture before you finally die. You picked the wrong guy to get smart with! You are going-"

"Felix, you've already passed the two minute mark. Do you want to continue?" Locus inquired and displayed his cell phone.

"What the fuck?! How the fuck-" Felix stopped himself and looked to his own phone. "You."

Locus nearly smiled again.

"You fucking asshole," Felix yelled into his phone, "do you have any idea what you've done?! You cost me a metric-fuck-ton of money! You're gonna die and afterwards, your family will pay for what you cost me today!"

"Felix," Locus added, "you're only losing by more, now."

Felix looked like he was about to scream or tear off Locus's head. The only problem was that Wash was in between them so if Felix wanted to kill Locus, he'd have to go through Wash.

Felix went back to his phone conversation and his eyes widened. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He turned to Wash and Locus. "He hung up. A fucking lackey hung up on me!"

"Two minutes and forty-three seconds," Locus said. "Therefore, I-"

"Yeah, I got it," Felix groaned. "I'm never betting you again. Just don't get smart about it."

"That brings my share to fifty percent and yours to thirty."

"Ah, whatever, I'll just take ten percent from Sharkface."

"Excuse me!?" the driver yelled.

"You're down ten percent, Sharky," Felix said, nonchalantly.

"My share was only twenty percent!"

"Yeah, well, that's the way it is," he looked out the window. "Hope Control gets us soon."

"So you can commit homicide." Locus stated, rather than asked.

"You're not really going to decapitate that guy with a butter knife, are you?" Wash inquired as he imagined just how painful that would be.

Felix shrugged. "Probably not. Locus hid the butter knives for that exact reason."

"If you wish to use dull blades as torture weapons there is nothing wrong with that but buy your own blades," Locus said.

"I don't use butter knives enough to warrant getting my own!"

"You left the blood-coated knife in the sink," Locus growled.

"I was gonna wash it," Felix defended. "Forgive me if I forgot it was your toast morning; your breakfast schedule is not something I'm usually considering when torturing."

Wash looked between his captors. They were arguing about the use of butter knives as torture weapons and the only thing stopping them was breakfast. Either they were very strange for criminals or criminals were just strange in general, but something told Wash it was just these two.

"We're getting close," Sharkface called.

Felix relaxed in his seat. "Well, the hard part's over." He looked to Wash. "We just gotta figure out what we're gonna do with you all day."

Wash felt his pulse rising, and his heart racing as he looked at his devilishly handsome captors. He didn't have an inkling what would come next but being kidnapped can do that to a person.

-

Carolina's boots tapped against the ground as she paced back and forth on the corner. Raising a cigarette to her lips, she inhaled, trying to calm her nerves. It was nearly midnight and no one had shown up. She exhaled deeply and took in her surroundings.

There was a building directly across the street; from there, someone would have a clear view of the corner. The same could be said for a building on right. The entire area was deserted. There was only one working streetlight on the whole street and she was positioned directly under it. The area behind her was dark; it was the perfect spot for an ambush.

She was gazing at the roof of the building across the way when a black car slowly came down the street. She kept her eyes on it, waiting for it to speed away but it didn't. The car only seemed to go slower the closer it came to her. She waited patiently as the car parked and a man exited.

He approached her with his hands in his pockets. She had a feeling he was her man.

"Evening," he said. He wasn't the man she'd spoken to on the phone, but he had the same air to him.

"Hello," she said and dropped her cigarette. "You know why I'm here?" She crushed it under her foot.

"If you're Carolina I do."

"I'm Carolina."

"Thought so," he said and walked closer. "What are you to him anyways? You his wife? His girlfriend?"

"I'm Wash's friend."

"And you're paying two grand for him? You must be pretty close friends."

Carolina said nothing but moved so her back was facing the darkness.

"Ready to get this started then?" he asked her. He still hadn't taken his hands out of his pockets, definitely had a gun in there.

"You came alone?" Carolina asked.

"It's a smaller job. Less people involved."

"Where's Wash?"

He smiled. "Look, that's not my job. You'll get him after I get the money."

Carolina glared at him with danger looming behind her eyes. "You're not getting any money."

"Well," he said, "sorry, Sweetheart, but you know, we do have a fail-safe."

He began to lift his right hand out of his pocket when a red dot appeared on his chest.

Carolina smiled as another dot appeared, this time on his head. "You see, we have a fail-safe, too."

From the shadows behind her, emerged York, South, C.T., and Maine all carrying SMGs trained on the man. She knew it was the perfect spot to ambush him.

"Fuck," the man said and dropped a pistol to the ground, "they set me up."

"No," Carolina said, "just underestimated us."

"You see," York said, "we happen to love that little dork."

"We want him back," C.T. said.

"Okay," the man said and put his hands in the air, "but you gotta listen to me. It wasn't my job to bring your friend. Really, there's someone else bringing him. You'll have your friend before 1:00. You have my word...for what it's worth."

Carolina looked to her team. "Do we believe him?"

"Just pump him full of lead and find Wash," South stated. She only came because the others made her.

"I say we wait," York proposed. "It's an hour max and if that doesn't work then we take Wash back on our own."

"I agree," C.T. said. "It's best not to stir up trouble with criminals if it can be avoided."

"I say you've already stirred up some trouble," the man spoke.

"Did I ask you a question?" Carolina scolded. "No? Then shut up."

Her nerves were frayed; she was at the end of her rope. None of them had ever anticipated they would be in this situation. It was all a bit unnerving.

"Maine?" Carolina asked. "Opinions?"

He shrugged.

"Undecided?" Carolina affirmed. "I guess we'll have to ask North and Wyoming."

She took her phone out of her pocket. "What do you think guys?" she spoke to the call she'd set up before they started. Carolina tried to see her snipers on the buildings across the way but couldn't.

"I don't really care," Wyoming stated. "Wait or go, hardly matters to me."

"You're very helpful," she replied. "North?"

There was a pause. "I guess an hour isn't too long to wait."

"We'll get him back; don't worry," she said. Carolina wasn't certain if she believed it though.

"Right," York said and lowered his weapon, "we'll camp here."

The group dissipated a little as South headed somewhere on her own, C.T. left to call somebody and Maine just sat down, cleaning his gun. Honestly, Carolina didn't care one bit where her team was; she was too focused on her goal. York walked up to her.

"What should we do about this guy?" he said, gesturing to the man with his machine gun.

"We keep him until we have Wash."

"Great..." the guy groaned. "Now, I'm the fucking hostage."

"I'll get him secured," York said and stepped away.

Carolina reached into her pocket and pulled out a package of cigarettes. She opened the box.

"Another already?" York asked as he put cuffs on their man.

"I think I deserve it," she replied and took York's lighter out of her pocket.

"I think I'll take one of those, too," he said and went back to her. York grabbed one out of the box and stuck it between his teeth. "Light me?"

She obliged him and also lit her own. Taking a deep breath in, she was finally able to relax, even if only for a second. Feeling slightly better, Carolina approached their captive.

"Who are you?"

He glared at her. "Zachary Miller."

"Explain this set up to me."

He gave no answer. York brought his gun up to Miller's head.

"Now!" York demanded.

Miller sighed. "It just figures; I'm not getting paid enough for this," he muttered. "Look, I'm not the guy you want."

"Obviously, we want Wash."

"Not what I meant," he clarified. "I'm not the one in charge, just hired help, really. My employers are the ones your problem is with."

"Your employers?" Carolina asked.

"Yeah, they handle the actual kidnapping; I'm just the guy they call to pick up the money...Literally, I am only getting paid five hundred bucks for this. You know how much they get? A thousand apiece! Five hundred isn't worth having machine guns pointed at you.”

"If it isn't worth it," York said, "just tell us where Wash is and we'll leave you be."

Miller glared at him, breathing heavily. He looked at Carolina and then down at his feet. "They-...no," he said, dejected.

"What?" Carolina inquired.

"No," he repeated.

York pushed his gun closer to Miller's head. "Wanna rethink that?"

"Look," he said, "you guys are scary, sure, but I would take dealing with you over dealing with my employers any day."

"Really?" York asked.

"Seriously, they terrify me a fuck-ton more than you do. One of them threatened to decapitate Jackson with a butter knife."

"Damn, and I thought our boss was tough," York commented as an aside to Carolina. She really didn't care for the sass.

"Look, you don't have to want to talk. We can make you."

Miller raised an eyebrow. "Really? I can pretty much guarantee you I've seen my boss do worse. To others or to me."

"Damn," York marveled, "what does your boss do?"

"You don't want to know."

"We'll decide what we want to know."

"Well," he smiled, "here's something for you. Your friend was at their side all day. God only knows what they did to him-"

Carolina punched him in the face. She could hear cracking upon impact and hoped that it was his jaw and not her knuckles.

"Fuck!" he yelled.

"Did I ask you? No? Shut up."

He bit his lip and glared. Carolina smirked. "Good. Now, where are they keeping Wash?"

"Look, you'll have him within the hour. Why are you even keeping me?"

"Where is he?!" Carolina insisted.

Miller looked away without a word. She was getting frustrated; she would make him talk no matter what. Wash was at stake and she was going to save him.

"Maine?" she called. The agent, still seated nearby, stood up.

"Jog his memory," she commanded.

Maine stepped towards their captive and the fear was visible on Miller's face. Maine stood right next to him and in a single motion slammed his fist onto the top of Miller's head. The captive collapsed like a ton of bricks.

Carolina looked to Maine with a certain amount of distaste. York glanced at the unconscious Miller.

"I think you jogged him too hard."

Maine shrugged nonchalantly and went back to his corner to sit down. Carolina sighed.

"Nevermind, we'll continue when he wakes up," she stepped away and ran a hand through her hair. Carolina sat down on the edge of the curb, smoking her cigarette. York put down his gun joined her.

"I'm sure Wash's fine; that guy's just an asshole," he attempted to reassure her. Carolina wasn't really in the mood to be comforted.

"How are you taking this?"

"Not much better than you," he forced a laugh. "I've just gotten good at hiding it. Wash's one of my best friends." He glanced up to the roof across the street. "North, Wash, and I are our own mini team. It doesn't feel right without him."

"Well, he's part of my actual team. I've never lost anyone before..." she trailed off. She hated feeling that Wash was lost but she couldn't help it. Carolina had waited what felt like an eternity and to wait another hour seemed too long.

"He's fine. Miller probably just said that shit to scare us."

"Then it worked," she said sternly. Carolina had no problem admitting fear to York but she wouldn't dream of telling anyone else, except maybe Wash. "Why did I let him go alone?"

"It's not your fault; you couldn't have known."

"It doesn't matter! There was so much more I could've done to prevent this and I didn't! I could've gone with him or drove or-"

"He's an adult; you're not responsible for him."

"Yes, I am! I'm this group's leader; I-"

York placed his hand on her thigh; he looked into her eyes. "Do you think Wash would appreciate this? Do you think he'd want this?"

Carolina sighed. York was right. Wash would hate what she was doing but she couldn't help it; she felt completely responsible for what happened. She put out her cigarette, not wanting it anymore.

"Just relax," York said and she leaned against his shoulder, "we've got time."

She felt safe in York's warmth, hearing his heartbeat. She wanted nothing more than to fall asleep right there and forget her problems while she dreamed, but it was impossible. She wouldn't be able to sleep until Wash was safe and she knew she didn't kill him.

Carolina sat up with that horrible thought. "God, what if we're too late? What if he's dead?"

"Carolina...He's okay. They're kidnappers; they don't get paid if he's gone."

"They're not getting paid anyways!"

"But they don't know that," York said. "As far as they know, our friend over here has the money and is headed back."

"But what if..." she trailed off. Carolina was grasping at straws and she knew it but she couldn't stop herself.

"Just try to relax. We have an hour before we need to start worrying. There's no point in doing it now."

She tried. She leaned up against him again and tried to close her eyes. Carolina was so grateful for York; he deserved better than her. He ran his fingers through her hair and she felt her heart rate slow gently. It would've been a nice night under any other circumstances. The stars were faded in the surrounding city lights but the moon was bright.

Carolina didn't think she'd fallen asleep; she was just relaxing.

"Carolina?" York whispered. He didn't sound as gentle as usual. He seemed concerned. "Carolina, are you awake?"

"Hm?" she muttered, feeling comfortable for the first time in a long time.

"Wake up," he whispered. York paused before continuing with an even more concerned tone, "It's 12:58 and no one's come by."

"What!?" Carolina sat up with a start. She realized then that she had to have fallen asleep.

"No one showed up."

Carolina stood and saw Zachary Miller awake. She gave him a death glare; he seemed more than a little scared. She grabbed York's gun and marched towards Miller with a fury. She point the gun up against his forehead.

"Start talking."

"I still have two minutes," he pleaded. "I swear, they've never gone back on a deal before-"

"But there's a first time for everything?" York finished.

"They'll send someone, I promise."

York checked his phone. "Well, they only have a minute."

Miller was almost shaking; it was clear this was not the outcome he'd been expecting. He looked to Carolina with desperation in his eyes. She was in no mood for it, waiting the final minute before the situation escalated.

She jumped as a phone buzzed in her pocket. Her heart sped for a moment with all the tension. Catching herself, Carolina handed the gun to York. "Take over."

She reached into her pocket and dug out her phone. It was 1:00 and Wash was calling. She answered it immediately.

"Hello?" she cried with urgency.

"We know," spoke the same voice from before.

Carolina's blood froze. "What?"

A different voice came on the line, "We know you tried to cheat us. Hell, I'd be impressed if I was wasn't so damn angry."

Composing herself, Carolina tried to negotiate. "We have Zachary Miller; we're willing to trade for Wash."

The second voiced laughed. "Really? Miller? Please, he's nothing."

"We don't appreciate being cheated," the first voice spoke.

"Yeah, seriously. Oh, and tell Miller he's fired; if he's smart, he'll start running now."

"You'll never see him again," Carolina tried to bargain.

"Good," the first voice spoke, "incompetent as he was."

"I'm willing to make a deal," she said.

"Well," the second voice spoke, "we're not."

"We are not interested in a trade for Miller."

"In fact, we kinda like Wash. He grows on you. We're keeping him."

Carolina was more desperate than ever; she could feel herself beginning to panic. "I can have the money by tomorrow," she pleaded.

"You're too late," the first person said with that deep chilling voice that shook her straight to her core.

"Can I talk to Wash?" Carolina begged.

"Sorry, he's a little busy right now. Maybe he'll call on Christmas."

"Please, for the love of God-"

"Well, hope you've learned your lesson, don't try to cheat the house."

There was a click and Carolina felt a cold hopelessness consume her. The call was ended but she still held the phone to her ear.

“Carolina?” York asked.

"They said no," Carolina said, frozen in shock.

"What?" York asked. He had clearly heard her but that wasn't the problem.

"They said no. They didn't want Miller. They didn't even want the money. They didn't care."

"But that's not-" York stopped himself. "They're kidnappers! Why wouldn't they..."

"It's my fault," Carolina said. "They wouldn't because I cheated them. I tried...It was their game and I...Oh, Wash, I'm sorry..."

York approached her and put a hand on her shoulder. "It's not over, Carolina. We just have to be a little more forceful."

"How? We don't know where they are!"

"Well, we're not gonna give up! We're not gonna just abandon Wash because his kidnappers didn't want money," York spoke passionately. It was almost enough to give her hope. Almost.

"I offered them their man for Wash. They said good riddance."

"What?" Zachary Miller called from behind them. The pair turned. "What did they say?"

"They said you're fired and told you to start running."

Miller was exasperated. "Fuck..." he sighed. "That bastard, Felix, left me hanging."

York perked up. "Wait, Felix?"

"Shit," Miller said with eyes wide. He paused for a moment before relaxing. "You know what? Fuck him. Yeah, the guys I work for are called Felix and Locus. They treat me like a snitch and I'll act like one."

"Would a snitch tell us where they're keeping Wash?" Carolina asked; she finally had hope for this venture.

"Yeah, definitely," he smiled. "They're up on Tartarus; I doubt they'll be expecting you, but Locus is a paranoid fuck so it might not be all that easy to get in. Once you're inside it's anyone's guess where your friend is but I'd recommend finding Locus and Felix, if for no other reason than to have those assholes be put in their place."

"How will we know them?"

"You'll know," Miller assured them. "Just follow the sound of inane chatter and it'll lead you straight to Felix."

"That's not very helpful."

Miller rolled his eyes. "Look, trust me when I say that they're not subtle. You'll do fine. Now, if you'd uncuff me so I can get a head start on the hit man they've undoubtedly sent, that'd be great."

Carolina looked to York. "What do you think?"

"Let him go," York advised. "He did help us."

Carolina looked to their hostage. He had helped them, yes, but he was also willing to kill them for the money. He was accessory to Wash's kidnapping and she wasn't about to forgive that even if York was. Still, what more could they do to him?

"Uncuff him," she said to York. "We don't have time for him."

He did as she said while she gathered up the others. "Everyone get ready to move out!" she yelled.

Freelancers reassembled on the corner slowly coming from the alleyways. South entered with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. "Finally decided to do something?"

"We're taking Wash back on our own."

She huffed. "Didn't I say that to start with?!"

"Oh, shut up, South," C.T. said as she entered as well.

"Someone get Wyoming and North," Carolina said. C.T. looked to South. South glared with fire in her eyes. C.T. groaned.

"Fine," she said, "I'll get them."

Maine stood up ready to go as York walked over to Carolina.

"Hey, Miller's off; I took his phone number and license plate number. We'll probably never hear from him but we can report him when this is over."

"Good thinking," Carolina said, feeling better about letting a criminal like him go.

York smiled. "It feels good to be doing something, now. I know, we can do this."

Carolina agreed but didn't dare be so hopeful; there were still so many things that could go wrong.

North, Wyoming, and C.T. returned. "So, I take it, chaps, that we're going after the kid on our own?"

"We know where they're hiding and we're taking Wash back."

North breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, I miss that guy."

"We all do," C.T. concurred.

"Right, we're launching a rescue mission. Let's move out!" Carolina encouraged her team. She wasn't sure what they were up against but she'd be damned if she gave up on a teammate. They were going to find Wash, of that she was certain. Carolina just hoped that when they found Wash, they wouldn't wish they hadn't.

-

"Think you're fucking tough!?" South yelled as she riddled a man's body with bullets.

"South," Carolina scolded, "stealth? Remember?"

The other Freelancer rolled her eyes. "They know we're here already."

Carolina sighed. South was impossible to work with on stealth missions but it hardly mattered at that point. They were in and had faced little resistance. For a criminal base there was a lack of heavy duty firearms. It had been easy enough for them to sneak in, despite being such a large team, and they had remained almost unseen moving through the halls. The odd guard had spotted them but South was quick to correct that.

Carolina's phone buzzed in her pocket; she picked up when she saw North's name. "Bravo team, report."

"The third floor's clear, no signs of Wash. How are you guys doing?"

"Couldn't you hear?" she sassed.

"No, haven't heard a thing."

"Huh, the walls must be pretty thick. Second floor's clear too. Meet on the fourth."

"Got it," he said and hung up.

Carolina looked to the Alpha team: York, South, and Maine. "We're moving up."

"Ready when you are," York said.

"Move out."

The group went to the stairs and began to climb. Carolina was secretly concerned. They had faced little to no resistance, sure, but they hadn't seen any signs of Wash. For all they knew, Miller had lied and Wash was nowhere near this building. Still, they had yet to check the fourth floor and, for all they knew, that was where Wash had been the entire time. Carolina couldn't help but wonder what had happened to her teammate while kidnapped. She hated herself for scaring herself but she couldn't stop it. She was imagining things she never wanted to see.

"It's too easy," she said to her teammates as they climbed the stairs. "Miller was terrified of these guys and so far it's been nothing."

"Maybe Miller's just a prick," South stated.

"He wasn't scared of these guys. It was his bosses, right?" York suggested. "Locus and Felix?"

"If these guys are any reflection, how the fuck did Wash get kidnapped?" South asked.

"It feels like we're walking into a trap," Carolina commented.

"Then we'll get out of it," York assured her. "They don't know who they're fucking with."

Carolina tried to calm down, her pulse was rapid, but part of it had to be battle-adrenaline. She could use a tranquilliser or a cigarette but if there was one thing she wasn't, it was dependant.

They made it to the fourth floor and saw North, C.T., and Wyoming waiting in the stairwell. North opened the door a crack and peered out.

"It's clear."

"This is getting ridiculous," Carolina said. "When is it going to get hard?"

"Not all of us are gluttons for punishment," Wyoming commented and promptly exited, likely so he wouldn't have to face her anger with that comment. He had mastered hit and run techniques ages ago.

"North, you and the coward cover us. York, South, C.T, Maine and I will charge. York and I will take point."

"Can Maine take point?" York inquired.

"No," she shut him down. "We need our locksmith in front."

"Okay, but I'm not a very good one."

South scoffed. "Like we didn't know."

"Sync," Carolina said and a chorus of "sync" responded.

They pushed open the door, ignored Wyoming's failed attempt at hiding, and, in perfect formation, the Freelancers progressed down the hall, nothing but their footsteps broke the sound of silence.

"Anything?" Carolina asked her team.

"Nothing."

"Where-"

She was interrupted as a sound broke through. It seemed to be a groan of some sort. The group exchanged glances and drew their weapons. The air hung tense like fog.

Another groan, but this time it was louder. It resonated in Carolina's ears as she came to recognise the sound. It was Wash.

She immediately turned to York and he, too, had shared her revelation.

"Find the source," she called to the team. Stealth be damned, they were close to Wash.

The group stood silently before their friend called out again. "That one," C.T. said as she pointed to a door. The team immediately surrounded said door. Carolina tried the knob and it didn't move.

"Damn it," she whispered. "Maine?"

She was out of patience; having York pick the lock would take far too long. The team's designated battering ram approached the door before he pushed up against it. With loud break the door snapped off it's hinges. Immediately, the group rushed in with perfect form.

Wash nearly shrieked as he made eye contact with his friends from over the bed sheets. He slid under as the men on either side of him groaned. The Freelancers stood frozen.

"It was locked for a reason," the man on Wash's right spoke. Carolina immediately recognized his voice as the man from the ransom call, more shockingly, he seemed to be naked.

The other man rolled his eyes and looked under the covers where Wash had hidden. "You coward," he said. His voice was distinct as well; he was the other man from the phone and also seemed to be naked.

"Wash?" Carolina asked, slowly, still not fully processing what was happening. From behind her, she heard a gun drop and someone walk away.

"Fuck this!" South called as she left.

"What the literal fuck..." York commented rather than asked.

The man on the left looked at the group. "You could've knocked. We wouldn't have let you in but you could've knocked." He was reclining, casually and seductively.

"Wash, what are you doing?!" Carolina cried.

"We're all adults here," the man answered for him. "We know what he's doing."

"Wash..." she spoke anger was rising in voice and Wash knew better than to mess with her in that state. He slowly creeped up with his eyes peering over the edge of the covers. He gave a tiny, pitiful wave.

"Hi, guys."

"What is going on?!" Carolina asked.

"Research into Stockholm Syndrome," the man on the left happily replied. "It's, apparently, not bullshit."

"Felix, if ever there was a time in your life to shut up-" the other man spoke.

"Wait," York said, "don't tell me you two are Felix and Locus."

The man on the left shrugged. "If I don't tell you, will you leave? We're kinda busy."

"Felix," the other man scolded.

Felix scoffed. "Fine, but if we have deal with this, so does he."

The pair reached down and pulled Wash from his hiding place.

"Start explaining," Carolina demanded.

"Wait," C.T. said, "those moans we heard...oh God!" She, too, then, exited.

"I think I'll join," Wyoming commented and followed C.T. out the door.

"How? Why?!" Carolina was having quite a lot of trouble processing the scene before her.

North placed a hand on her shoulder. "At least he's safe."

"Yeah, we were being safe," Felix added.

"That's not what he meant," Locus commented and rolled his eyes.

"Ummm..." Wash mumbled. "I didn't think you guys were coming."

"Clearly," York said, "but when you thought we weren't coming, you started?"

"Oh god..." Wash muttered. "Can some higher power just smite me?"

"You did this to yourself," Locus said.

"You slept with your kidnappers," York muttered with a laugh. "At least you're okay, physically. Psychologically, well, we can always go see the Counselor."

"Wash, get out of that bed," Carolina demanded. She had regained her control, despite still being thoroughly confused.

"Umm..." Wash stuttered.

"Probably not a great idea," Felix said. "The only thing any of us are wearing is a condom."

Wash turned fully red and dove under the covers.

"Why, Wash, why did you do this?" Carolina was pissed off and wasn't going to hide it. She had gone through endless worry and had imagined so many horrible things that could've happened to him and he was just having a threesome.

"I...it was a mistake," Wash said, peeking his head out.

"Once is a mistake," Locus commented. "Three times is a commitment."

Carolina froze again. York's eyes widened. "You've got to be kidding!"

"Was it three times?" Felix questioned. "It was once at, like, nine and then again at twelve...oh yeah, we did go again after the snack break."

York clearly thought this was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen. "Wash, you've had more sex while kidnapped than in all the years I've known you."

"We're going," Carolina commanded. She was done with this strange scene and was ready to forget it happened.

"Good, pick up the door on your way out," Felix said. "We'd like some privacy."

"He's coming with us," Carolina glared at her teammate.

Felix put an arm around Wash and leaned on his chest. Locus also put an arm around Wash. "No," Locus stated.

"He's our pet," Felix pouted. "You had your chance to get him back; he's ours now."

"Guys," Wash said, awkwardly caught in a position where people were fighting over him. "I'm kinda between a rock and a hard place here."

"More like two hard things," Felix commented. "And we can only fix that if you stay." He gripped Wash tighter.

"Now," Carolina demanded and raised her gun.

Felix sighed. "Violence? Really?" he let go of Wash and reached under his pillow. Carolina couldn't see what he was doing but she didn't trust it to be good.

"Hey!" she called with her gun still trained. Felix turned back to Wash and Wash grabbed his arm.

"Why don't we work this out like normal people? Without weapons?" he turned to the Freelancers. "All of us?"

"There's nothing to work out," Carolina insisted.

"Agreed," Locus replied.

"The only problem here is all of you watching. Other than that, we're good," Felix said. He was keeping one of his hands under the blankets. Based on Wash's reaction, he might've had a weapon but Carolina had come to expect nothing to be predictable. Also, that weapon would've had to have been under his pillow and the prospect seemed sort of ridiculous, though not entirely unlikely. "There's no problem with us," he continued. "We would've had a great time if you hadn't shown up."

"You kidnapped Wash!" York interjected.

"Well, he didn't have to come to bed!" Felix retorted. "We didn't twist his arm! And, I shouldn't have to explain this to anyone!"

"And, yet, you continue to do it," Locus lamented.

"I think I'll just go," Wash said and sat up. "The mood's gone anyways."

"We can bring it back. Just give it another hour."

"Well..."

"Wash!" York interjected. "I think you're forgetting that they kidnapped you!"

Wash looked his friend in the eye. "They weren't forceful."

That comment broke York's brain. "Okay...you need to see the Counselor...yesterday."

"Wash," Carolina tried to regain control of the situation, "we're going and you're coming with us."

"Okay, just give me a minute...could you turn away?" Felix and Locus grabbed onto him tighter. Wash sighed. "Um, nevermind, I'm kind of trapped in a murder sandwich here."

"Screw it," Carolina said. "Maine, get him."

She wanted to remove this memory from her brain so badly. They'd get Wash, beat him up, and bring him to counseling, after that, hopefully, things would return to normal. She strongly doubted it as the image of Wash in bed with his kidnappers would probably be stuck in her brain forever, but she could hope.

Maine stepped up to the edge of the bed and all three men looked incredibly concerned. He moved to Felix's side and the little man glared.

"Just try me," he said and bared a switchblade. Carolina had thought he had a weapon and wasn't entirely surprised but it did mean that he slept with a knife under his pillow.

However, Maine didn't really seem phased. He reached over Felix but the criminal wasn't playing around and stuck the switchblade into Maine's shoulder. Maine continued as if nothing has happened and pulled Wash out almost effortlessly.

"Huh," Felix said, "that didn't do as much as I thought it would. Normally, when I penetrate people they, at least, react..."

Maine slung Wash over his other shoulder, perfectly confirming that Wash was naked and displaying a pair of handcuffs on his wrists.

"The counseling keeps adding up..." York muttered.

Maine turned to Carolina.

"Let's go."

"Can we grab my clothes?" Wash called. "And my phone, and my wallet?"

"No," Carolina deadpanned. "We're going now."

Felix looked to Locus and nodded. Locus reached to the nightstand and grabbed a phone. He passed it to Felix, who handed it, awkwardly, to Wash.

"We're keeping the clothes, though."

"The phone is charged," Locus added. "Which is more than could be said when you had it."

"Thanks," Wash said.

"Move out," Carolina said. She had stopped caring that the men in that room where criminals; she just wanted to block the whole event from her memory. She turned and began to exit with the remainder of her team in tow.

"See you soon," Felix called as the team entered the hallway. Carolina looked around for the teammates that had bailed but none could be seen.

"Figures," she sighed. The group moved in awkward silence before it was broken.

"If the objective was to get Wash, I'd call this mission a success," York said. "If the objective was to not lose anyone in the process, we failed miserably."

"Sorry," Wash commented. He was still naked and everyone was trying to ignore it.

"Don't," Carolina said, "we are going to forget this happened."

The group continued to move silently, tense in the knowledge of Wash's activities. An obnoxious ringtone blared out in the silence.

"Oh, I got a text," Wash stated. "From Felix...when did I get his number?"

"We haven't even left the building yet," York commented.

"...Woah!" Wash cried out. "I didn't know he was taking pictures."

Carolina groaned. "Next time one of us gets kidnapped, and I decided to launch a rescue mission just punch me. Seriously, just punch me."

"Amen to that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my sister and BFF for editing for me! Never could have done it without you guys! And thanks to my teachers for making their classes boring enough to cause me to write this!


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